John Oliver Warns Meghan Markle What She’s Getting Herself Into

John Oliver Warns Meghan Markle What She’s Getting Herself Into


( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: HA LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ARE YOU IN FOR AN
ENORMOUS TREAT. BECAUSE MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT
IS THE MY AND PEABODY AWARD-WINNING HOST OF “LAST WEEK
TONIGHT,” BUT HE’S BEST KNOWN AS THE VOICE OF VANISH SMURF. PLEASE WELCOME JOHN OLIVER. ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )
>>Stephen: I LIKE THAT.>>YEAH?>>Stephen: I LIKE THAT. I LIKE THAT ASS SLIDE ACROSS THE
DESK.>>IT WAS A LITTLE LIKE MICHAEL
J. FOX IN “BACK THE FUTURE,” RIGHT? OH!>>Stephen: YES. THAT WAS EITHER– YOU WERE,
LIKE, EITHER STARSKY OR HUTCH SLIDING ACROSS THE FRONT OF
THEIR CHARGER.>>THAT’S RIGHT. I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY HOW THAT
LOOKED, AND IT’S AS AWKWARD AS IT FELT.>>Stephen: FANTASTIC.>>I HAVE BUFFED YOUR DESK FOR
YOU.>>Stephen: THANK YOU VERY
MUCH. WELL, WELCOME BACK. IT’S ALWAYS GOOD TO SEE YOU, HOW
YOU BEEN?>>FINE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. HOW ARE YOU? OH, OH, NOW THE QUESTIONER IS
THE QUESTIONEE?>>Stephen: YOUR REACTION IS
AS IF I WAS PINNING YOU DOWN ON SOMETHING, “FINE, WHAT HAVE YOU
HEARD?” I HAVE BEEN HERE A WHILE, AND I
WAS REHEARSING BEFORE. IT TURNS OUT RIGHT NOW, IT’S
ALMOST 6:00 WHEN RECORDING THIS, NANCY PELOSI HAS BEEN ON THE
FLOOR OF THE HOUSE TALKING FOR EIGHT HOURS.>>WOW. ( APPLAUSE )
WAIT, I’M NOT– I’M NOT SURE DEEP DOWN YOU KNOW IF OR WHAT
YOU’RE APPLAUDING THERE. “OH, SHE TALKED FOR SEVEN HOURS. THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN ENDURANCE
EFFORT TO DO AND TO LISTEN TO, TO SOME EXTENT.” YON IF ANYONE WANTS TO HEAR
NANCY PELOSI SPEAK ABOUT ANYTHING FOR SEVEN HOURS.>>Stephen: YES.>>IF SHE READ THE HARRY POTTER
AUDIO BOOK, WE WOULD HAVE NO MOVIES RIGHT NOW. THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING.>>Stephen: IT’S FOR THE– FOR
THE DREAMERS, TRYING TO FORCE A DREAMER VOTE IN THE HOUSE RIGHT
NOW ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ).>>SURE, I– I– IT’S ALL GOING
TO WORK. IT’S NOT GOING TO WORK. BUT IT IS A VALIANT PUBLIC
EFFORT.>>Stephen: YES. NOW, YOU HAVE HEARD ABOUT THE
PRESIDENT’S REQUEST FOR A PARADE.>>YES.>>Stephen: HAVE YOU NOT?>>I HAVE INDEED HEARD THAT HE
WANTS THAT.>>Stephen: YEAH. YEAH.>>I WILL SAY THIS– IT WON’T
MAKE HIM HAPPY. ( LAUGHTER )
AND I THINK IT’S IMPORTANT THAT HE KNOWS THAT. WHATEVER THIS PRESIDENCY IS
ABOUT– THE SEARCH FOR A LOST FATHER’S LOVE, TRYING TO FILL A
VOID WITH SOMETHING TANGIBLE– THAT PARADE IS GOING TO GO PAST
HIM AND HE’S GOING TO BE LIKE, ,” THIS ISN’T IT, EITHER.” IT’S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.>>Stephen: IT’S TRUE.>>THOSE PHALLIC MISSILES, “NO,
OKAY, IT MUST BE SOMETHING ELSE THEN.” AND THAT, THAT IS WHEN WE’RE
REALLY (BLEEP).>>Stephen: RIGHT. WHAT IF WE FIRED ONE OF THOSE
MISSILES OFF.>>MAYBE IT’S NOT FIRING AT
SOMEONE. SURELY I CAN FILL THIS HOLE WITH
SOMETHING. WHICH HE CAN’T. HE’S AN EMOTIONAL VACUUM, AND
HE’LL DIE THAT WAY. IF WE ACCEPTED THAT, WE’D ALL BE
HAPPY.>>Stephen: INTERESTING,
INTERESTING, INTERESTING. BUT YOU’RE STILL GIVING HIM A
CHANCE.>>YOU’VE GOT TO GIVE HIM A
CHANCE. THE PRED PEREZ AGAINST CHANGES
PEOPLE, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT? THE SECOND YEAR. THE SECOND YEAR REALLY SETTLES
PEOPLE DOWN. THAT’S WHAT WE KNOW, RIGHT?>>Stephen: YEAH, EXACTLY. BAY OF PIGS WASN’T UNTIL THE
SECOND YEAR. NOW, LISTEN, ENGLAND. THEY HAVE MILITARY PARADES,
DON’T THEY? ARE YOU USED TO THIS SORT OF
THING?>>MILITARY PARADE? WE USED TO– WE HAD MILITARY
PARADES ACROSS INDIA. ( LAUGHTER )
BUT I DON’T –>>Stephen: HE SAW THIS– HE
SAW THIS PARADE IN FRANCE.>>THAT’S RIGHT.>>Stephen: AND HE SAID, “I
WANT ONE LIKE THE ONE THE THEY H IN FRANCE.”>>THAT’S WHAT WE TOOK AWAY FROM
THE FRANCE TRIP, THEIR AWESOME MILITARY. ( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: HISS. MEOW!>>NOT TO THUMP ON ABOUT
HISTORY, BUT, ANYWAY, IT DOESN’T MATTER. THEY COULD HAVE PUT UP MORE OF A
FIGHT, IS WHAT I’M SAYING. I THINK HISTORICALLY THEY COULD
HAVE FOUGHT BACK. ANYWAY, I’M NOT HERE TO TALK
ABOUT THAT. BUT I’M HAPPY TO. IT’S AN ODD THING. FOR A MAN WHO SEEMS INCURIOUS
ABOUT EVERYTHING, THAT REALLY STUCK IN HIS HEAD, THAT FRENCH
PARADE. HE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT, “I WANT
ONE OF THOSE.”>>Stephen: WELL, I THINK THE
CEREMONIAL ASPECT OF BEING PRESIDENT IS WHAT HE THOUGHT THE
ENTIRE JOB WAS.>>I THINK THAT’S THE FAVORITE
PART OF THE JOB HE OTHERWISE HAS NO INTEREST IN.>>Stephen: HE THOUGHT THE
PRESIDENT WAS AN INFLATED VERSION OF CUTTING A RIBBON AT A
STRIP MALL.>>HE’S GOING TO WATCH THE ROYAL
WEDDING AND SAY, “I WANT ONE OF THOSE.” SORRY, MELANIA, IT’S TIME.>>Stephen: SPEAKING OF THE
ROYAL WEDDING, YOU’RE ENGLISH, YOU MUST BE REALLY EXCITE BUILD
THE ROYAL WEDDING.>>NO.>>Stephen: COME ON!>>REALLY?>>Stephen: YOU’VE TO THE
EXWOT TO BE. HE’S A BRIT. HE’S MARRYING AN AMERICAN GIRL. DO YOU HAVE ANY TIPS FOR HIM?>>I WOULD NOT BLAME HER IF SHE
PULLED OUT OF THIS AT THE LAST MINUTE. I DON’T THINK YOU NEED TO HAVE
SEEN THE PILOT EPISODE” OF “THE CROWN.”>>Stephen: BUT THIS
GENERATION SEEMS LIKE NICE PEOPLE, RIGHT? THEY’RE ALL NICE NOW, RIGHT?>>YEAAAH. I MEAN, THEY’RE AN EMOTIONALLY
STUNTED GROUP OF FUNDAMENTALLY FLAWED PEOPLE DOING A VERY SILLY
PSEUDO-JOB. THAT’S WHAT SHE’S MARRYING INTO. SO I HOPE SHE LIKES IT. IT’S GOING TO BE WEIRD FOR HER. I WOULD NOT MARRY INTO THE ROYAL
FAMILY. I’M A COMMONER. I WOULD NOT BE WELCOME,
ESPECIALLY AFTER WHAT I’VE JUST SAID. ( LAUGHTER )
I’M GUESSING THE QUEEN– THE QUEEN– IS PROBABLY SIT AGO.>>Stephen: COULD GET A
KNIGHTHOOD.>>THEORETICALLY I COULD. SHE’S PROBABLY RIPPING THAT UP
AS WE SPEAK. “THERE WE GO. YOU LITTLE BASTARD, YOU’RE NOT
COMING NOW, ARE YOU?”>>Stephen: WHEN YOU SEE
OTHERS– WHEN YOU SEE OTHER, LIKE, PERFORMERS OR COMEDIANS OR
SOMETHING, IF YOU SEE THEM GET A KNIGHTHOOD, DO YOU GO (BLEEP)
ARE YOU DOING?>>ACCEPTING IT?>>Stephen: IF YOU SEE OTHER
PEOPLE WHO LIKE– WHO, LIKE, SATARRIZE POWER AND–
>>IT’S A LITTLE BIT– IT’S JUST WEIRD TO KNEEL IN FRONT OF
ANOTHER ADULT. ( LAUGHTER )
IT’S– IT’S ALL ODD. I KNOW THAT HISTORICALLY YOU SEE
PEOPLE KNEELING DOWN AND KISSING THE RING, BUT IT’S A BIT
STRANGE.>>Stephen: RIGHT.>>IT’S AN ODD THING TO STILL
HAVE. AND I LIKE ROYAL WEDDINGS AS
MUCH AS I LIKE ANY– I ALSO LIKE FIREWORKS. IT’S A SPECTACLE. IT’S SOMETHING NICE TO LOOK AT.>>Stephen: PUT THEM BOTH
TOGETHER.>>WELL THAT COULD BE THE
MOST…>>Stephen: “KISS THE RING”
MEANS SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN ENGLAND, DOESN’T IT? ( LAUGHTER )
I WAS TOLD THAT THAT MEANS SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN ENGLAND. YEAH.>>OH!>>Stephen: IS THAT NOT TRUE?>>I THINK HISTORICALLY YOU USED
TO– THE PRIME MINISTER, WHO WOULD HAVE TO HAVE TEA WITH THE
KING EVERY WEEK, ONCE A WEEK, WOULD HAVE TO END THAT TEA TIME
BY PUCKERING UP AND KISSING THE KING ON HIS EXPOSED (BLEEP). ( LAUGHTER )
( LAUGHTER )>>DO YOU THINK THAT’S GOT MY
INVITATION BACK? ( LAUGHTER )
>>Stephen: MMM-HMMM. THAT’S HIGH TEA. THAT’S HIGH TEA.>>THEY DON’T GET HIGH.>>Stephen: TRUMP VERSUS
MUELLER, LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT FOR A SECOND. TRUMP SAYS, “OH, YEAH, I
DEFINITELY WANT TO TALK TO MUELLER.”>>SURE HE DOES. ACTUALLY, I DON’T DOUBT– I
DON’T DOUBT THAT HE WANTS TO TALK. BUT HE IS GOING TO HAVE TO
PHYSICALLY GET THROUGH HIS LAWYERS FIRST. IF HE TALKS– HE’S GOING TO HAVE
TO EAT HIS WAY THROUGH THEIR HANDS OVER HIS MOUTH BECAUSE
THEY WILL TACKLE HIM TO THE FLOOR BEFORE HE OPENS HIS MOUTH
IN FRONT OF HIM. HE WOULD PERJUR HIMSELF BEFORE
HE FINISHED HIS NAME GLING HE WOULD DO A GOOD JOB, AND I THINK
HE SHOULD DO IT. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>>IF– IF– IF I CAN JUST COSINE ON THAT. I KNOW– I KNOW I JOKE AROUND A
LOT, MR. PRESIDENT. BUT I ALSO THINK YOU WOULD DO AN
EXCELLENT JOB. ( LAUGHTER )
AND I, TOO, THINK YOU SHOULD DO IT. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) DO IT. DO IT.>>Stephen: OKAY, WE’VE GOT TO
TAKE A LITTLE BIT OF A BREAK. BUT DON’T GO AWAY. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH MORE
JON OLIVER.

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  1. Starskey and hutch didn't have a charger they had a Ford torino… Dukes of hazard had a charger

  2. It was the Duke boys who slid across the hood of their Charger. Starsky and Hutch used the doors of their Gran Torino.

  3. God John Oliver has only gotten better, but I didn't enjoy Stephen Colbert in this interview like I used to…

  4. Has anybody seen Hank. He's probably got RCA Bipolar & addiction too. Ask Army Veteran Jeff Nelson, medic.

  5. Has anybody seen Hank. He's probably got RCA Bipolar & addiction too. Ask Army Veteran Jeff Nelson, medic.

  6. we also need to pay attention to the dreamer non mexicans that are born in the u.s that should have priority also the legal dreamer immigrants that where here years and decades before then the dreamers now

  7. Isn't it kind of ironic to call being a Royal a "silly, pseudo job" when you earn your money by sitting on a sofa and insulting people? Nothing against the guy, just brings to mind a saying about stones and glass houses.

  8. Jon Baptiste and Stay Human played a melody that sounded familiar; I realized it was a section of the C-minor “Revolutionary” Etude by Chopin. Well done.

  9. TBF to the French, they bled a hell lot in WWI; their losses were second only to the Russians among the Allies. They (and the Brits too, mind you) lost the Battle of France due to tactical and command mistakes, while the Germans got lucky with their gamble through the Ardennes forest.

  10. Who is this John Oliver? All I can say about this obnoxious man is, stay in the USA!. Run your country down a little more, why don’t you. Traitor!

  11. Actually Britain does have a military parade every year – the Trooping of the Colour. Admittedly it is quite a Victorian affair with carriages and horses, and no missiles. A weird march of odd old-fashioned nationalism, but not a parade of military might.

  12. Just feel that Stephen is the only one that could hold John Oliver if u were to watch John v Jimmy fallon~ still love Jimmy so just saying

  13. These two should do a show together. The Synergy is amazing.
    Maybe add Ricky Gervais to keep the religion levels llloooowwwwww

  14. Quite a few French soldiers died helping the British get away from Dunkirk. Is that what you mean by "fighting harder"?

  15. Wait wait wait… does Stephen Colbert think Starsky and Hutch had a Charger? My friend, that was the Dukes of Hazzard, S&H had a Gran Torino.

  16. John Oliver says that it's weird for one person to kneel in front of another. Then you realize that despite his accent, he's American!

  17. Another Brit accusing the French of cowardice.Check your history to see how many French died protecting the fleeing 330,000 British from the Germans after the biggest military defeat of all time at Dunkirk.

  18. omg these two are comedy gold. The way they go at each other lol…but with much love and respect of course.

  19. The French band played a medley of tunes for Chump but the only one I can remember was Daft Punk. It made me so happy they slipped that in in. So appropriate.

  20. 6;49 lmaooooo that look is what I give people who ask for the truth….LMAOOO are you sureeeeee about this lmao

  21. They have an entire conversation just with their eyes between when Stephen says “I heard it means something different.” And John actually says it.

  22. I am British, i have had some involvement with the Royal family, many years ago, they are nothing more than a weight holding a door open, take it away and the door slams shut, nobody wants to risk that happening so we keep them around, some like them, some hate them, i personally feel like they need to go, and go soon, but many disagree.

  23. what he is talking about? french army coward? what a bout english massacre in india thacher killiing strikers in england .my great grandfather
    was telling to my mother aboutr the Dardanelles battle 1915 the brtish let the french do the job against the turks and the british stayed behind doing nothing

  24. "That's what [Trump] took away from his France trip: their awesome military." For the last 200 years, that's fair. However, the Duke of Wellington had a different perspective…

  25. 1.Colbert a progressive germ
    2.Oliver a progressive germ
    3.Meghan Debarcle a gold digger
    4.Harry a product of an affair from his loose mother,hence not a Royal!

  26. The man or woman or hermaphrodite who came up with the late night show formula that included the token stage band should be shot with a potato gun till dead. These bands have the musical personality of herpes.

  27. this guy has no clue, Brittain, and the commonwealth would go to shit without the royal family – they are far more powerful and important than what people think

  28. The french fought WW1 for 4.5 years, the battle of verdun for 9 months and objective looks at the battle of France points to a lack of leadership and not soldierly courage…. plus ya know Napoleon, also France has the strongest military in europe currently. Love Oliver but hes british and they hate the french so i felt that needed to be said

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