Living With 12 Personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder)

Living With 12 Personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder)


even when I was little for when I first
thought that there was you know something different about me. I was
listening to these shoulder angels and I literally thought like there was like an
angel and a devil like on my shoulder like in the cartoons and that they were
just helping me like decide regular things about my life and honestly I
thought everybody thought that way I thought everybody had these like voices
in their head that were like oh do this no do this and you know finally I
started to tell somebody about it they were like not everybody thinks like that
how many personalities do you have um I think I have 12 and yeah I think I have
12 welcome to SBS K join me as I travel around the world an interview
individuals living with a condition to prove no matter how you communicate but
what obstacles you face you’re always deserving of love and acceptance so
without hesitation let’s meet today’s friend I have so many questions you know
a lot of people do it’s ok with all of these personalities are they you know
you they’re all me ok so they were all broken off as a segment of my own
personality so they’re all creating one big personality how hard are you trying
right now just to cope and have this typical conversation heart um I mean
there’s definitely like at least six of the people can’t be quiet right now and
they just want to be like oh you know say this say this you know we want to be
heard – do you consider yourself a singular or plural um I talk in a plural
a lot like when I’m in therapy I do talk in a plural um but when I’m with other
people I try to talk singular but if I was honest probably like a plural
because there’s definitely a lot of different voices that I consider you
know equally valid when you first explain that to somebody what do you
hope goes through their mind I hope just that they don’t think of me as too
different than themselves you know everybody has their own way that their
mind works and mine is just very interesting do you see the di D as part
of Lauren’s personality or a separate part of her that’s not really connect
to her um I think it’s just a a a backpack full of rocks that she’s caring
around you know like it’s so Lauren was just she’s got these these rocks in her
backpack and it’s just weighing her down and it’s just kind of hard for her to
walk sometimes and you know most Sun that’s actually making her stronger it
just means that I’m listening to more people in my head and more internal
dialogues than a normal person would have to listen to I think one of the
misconceptions is that people who have different personalities might be violent
sometimes right yeah and that’s that’s definitely something that is a worried
that can be a worry but the reason that we go and get our therapy and get the
things that we do is so that doesn’t happen and we’re working really hard to
be people a society that would never hurt anybody
I know who she is either way so she’s acting like someone she’s not and I
still know she’s really in there and you just gotta give she’s having a panic
attack or something just like scratch her back
give her sing to her a little bit and she gets out of it would it bother you
if I was thinking I wonder what she’s thinking
yeah does that bother you it doesn’t really bother me uh I actually like when
people ask what I’m thinking you know it’s when people take an interest and
the fact that there are voices in my head it doesn’t bother me at all you
know it really is it just feels like someone’s taking an interest and in what
my life is you know and it’s it’s more it’s it just means something that people
would even care to ask do you know the twelve fragments of her personality um
she describes very different versions to me and you know he knows the one there’s
the one that sounds a little bit like Smeagol like for a month
yeah Lord of the Rings and so I tell him about that woman a lot cuz that one kind
of like is like the bad one it tells like pulls my anxiety a little bit
where’s that line between this voices being a pesto and this rat is a part of
me right so you know I still have to accept that it’s a part of me but when
somebody is trying to cause havoc to the rest of the system I’ve got to kind of
set that person down and give them a timeout you know be like you
can’t help right now because you’re not being helpful and the system is you
right yeah the system is me that’s what I call like all of my voices a lot of
the time is my system and that’s kind of what my therapist has taught me to call
it it’s just like these are the system of voices that all make up your inner
dialogue so my inner dialogue just is fragmented into different sections and I
just hear it in different ways do the different fragments have different
voices yes some of them sound very different and some of them sound a
little bit similar a couple of them sound like my regular dialogue but like
one of them sounds like Smeagol from Lord of the Rings and it only sounds
like that right it’s it’s like I call that one the monster voice cuz the
monster voice changes like say I watch another movie and like I’m hear another
voice then that one can kind of take on that voice and to do things like this
like to decide to do an interview like this that’s gonna make me nervous kind
of everybody has to vote yes so definitely like in situations like this
that I want to be in that I chose to be in everybody’s there everybody’s present
you know nobody’s mad about it everybody is trying to help the system explain the
best that we can so why do you think all of these different would it be correct
to say aspects of your personality why do why did all these aspects of your
personality agree to do this I think because well they all want other people
to understand that we’re not that different you know and that disorders
and diagnosis can come in all different shapes and sizes and that you should
recognize that you know in your everyday life and that everybody has us back
story my relationships would fail a lot because you know friends family and any
anything because people would be like you’re acting different you know you’re
you’re a different person that was very frustrating for a very long time because
I was still the same person it was just that I was listening to these different
segments of myself that are all me but are you know have different experiences
and different memories I was never oh no he’s never
like like mattering about it I was just kind of didn’t understand you know when
you don’t understand you’re you’re scared because someone else is going
through something it’s kind of I don’t know it’s in a way it’s it’s frightening
for you too but you just have to realize that she’s the one who needs help now
that’s nerve-racking to to tell somebody that you love because they can have a
different opinion you know and you want them to believe with you you want them
to be on your on your side and he totally was you know he totally was like
this is this is what you have and I’m glad that you figured it out but it was
it was nerve wrecking to tell him at first it’s nerve-wracking to admit when
she learned that about herself I could I could tell that she was
anxious as up and she didn’t want to really come out and tell me first off
she kind of was dealing with that herself I saw that but at the same time
she came out and she told me it really wasn’t like it oh my god really a minute
it’s hard to finally admit that you know what’s wrong with you and that you
believe that diagnosis you know especially with mental illness is that
you know this is what I have and I believe that too and that’s a lot it’s a
big step and you know telling him was really the like final defining step you
know that like okay I’ve accepted it this is what I have if someone wants to
form a friendship with you what do you recommend they do
um just understand that there are different parts of me but they’re all me
and I’ll be you know I’ll be the same person that you see a lot of different
times but I have a lot of different moods so you told me that you have these
different fragments different voices could I call it that yeah so as I’m
talking to you is there anything any way I should talk to you differently is
there anything I should do different um no the best thing is that you’re just
comfortable talking to me and that the more that you you know you’re not putting your prejudices or anything like
on another person that’s when people start to get anxious is that they start
to feel like you’re judging them based on maybe your other perceptions of
different people with the same thing because
everybody’s a little bit different you know and so you just have to understand
that you don’t know what they’re going through you know you have no idea what’s
going on in their head and you shouldn’t be cautious or anything of what you’re
saying because those people want to be normal you know like we want to be
treated as normal how would you explain the psychology of
why this happened to your personality um basically when I was younger probably
between 1st and 2nd grade something traumatic happened to me or something a
major point of invalidation or a traumatic event something that I can’t
remember that happened and blocked out my memory and created a new fragment and
that was the first time that I created a new fragment and then from then on to
survive in different situations I just created a new fragment because that was
my way of survival seeking help with a therapist just not the end of the world
you know like a therapist can really be somebody that’s reliable and you’re your
friend and therefore you and your advocate and it’s really not you know
it’s not as big of a deal as you think it would be and if the therapy is gonna
help you I would go to therapy or the voice is ever silent sometimes sometimes
like they’re taking a nap kind of it feels like um and you know like
sometimes they like take a little break but there’s never a point where they’re
all silent thank you for watching make sure to like this video subscribe to our
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we all deserve acceptance and a little bit of understanding see you next time
do the voices ever chime in when you don’t want them to yes a lot of the
times they can’t control like my voice like they can’t chime in through my
voice but they can chime in in my head if it gets really bad sometimes I’ll
like outburst random like things that seem like random outbursts but it’s
somebody else like saying it in my head i doesn’t happen that often but it can’t
happen to other people that have this a lot more just because it all depends on
how much of in control you are and how your system works

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