Hello there. If you’re watching this video chances are you’ve heard of rejection, you’ve been in that scenario were you’re looking at someone who is upset at you’re thinking isn’t that just the pot calling the kettle black or you’ve been in that situation were someone looks at you and says you’re just projecting. The thing is most of us don’t know the mechanism behind projecting we don’t know why we do it or how to stop, which is of course why we’re having this discussion today. We’re born whole, but that wholeness is short lived it’s short lived because we’re born relationally dependent. To be born relationally dependent in a family that is not fully evolved yet because society has not fully evolved yet, spells immense trouble it means that we’re about to learn that certain aspects about of ourselves are acceptable and certain aspects of ourselves are unacceptable. And this is where the trouble starts. What is acceptable verses unacceptable depends upon the family you’re born into. The aspects of us that are seen as unacceptable both positive, and negative are rejected by our family, and the aspects that are seen as acceptable are accepted by our family. So being relationally dependent in the name of survival we do anything we can to disown and deny, and suppress those aspects of ourselves that are disapproved of and exaggerate those are approved of. We dissociate from what we disapprove of, this creates a split within the person that we call the conscious and the subconscious. The self preservation instinct is in fact our first act of self rejection. For example, a child is born into a family where anger is not an okay emotion to express. When the child gets angry, they’re ashamed for that anger, so the child suppresses and denies their anger for the sake of survival within the household. But the anger does not go away, they just consciously deny it, it becomes sub-conscious. As an adult this person will most likely not have any awareness that they have any anger in them at all. They will not and cannot see themselves clearly because they have denied that aspect of themselves. So when people tell them that they are angry, they will not relate to that at all. They may only relate to themselves as easy going. When we deny, suppress or disown something, it’s not like it just disappears we just lose our conscious awareness of it. We dissociate from the awareness of that thing. Now in order for us to recognise that thing which we are denying and suppressing, we have to feel the pain of the absence of that particular thing. No wonder self awareness is so difficult. Every human in existence that was ever socialized, which is everyone, went through this process of splitting themselves into parts. Parts that were owned and parts that were disowned. This self rejection is the birth of self hate. The emptiness that we feel is the result of those missing, rejected or disowned parts of our-self, and the soul is motivated for one thing, that’s to make us whole again. We will be provided every single opportunity to become whole again, but in order to become whole again we need to see and accept the aspects of ourselves that we disowned. This is painful. Self awareness doesn’t come naturally to people who like to avoid pain because in order for us to really get to a space of wholeness, what we have to do is to stop avoiding the pain, we have to stop avoiding that feeling a void that is inherently within us because of the missing aspects of ourselves and instead we need to go straight in the direction of it. So where does projection coming to all of this? We tend to overcompensate for whatever trait we have suppressed or denied or rejected. For example, somebody who is super apathetic is going to suppress the aspect of themselves that strives and someone who strives is most likely going to suppress the aspects of themselves that are apathetic. Now because the soul is motivated in the direction of completion, in the direction of wholeness. It wants to find a partner that makes it feel more whole, so the external world becomes the subsititute for what we’re missing in our internal world. For this very reason, in our partnership and friendships we tend to attract both extremes. We attract people into our lives who we’re both extremities within us, so that we can have the opportunity to be aware of our own dichotomy. The law of attraction responds to both extremes, the over compensation and the aspect of ourselves that we have suppressed to the extreme. We are matched to them even though they seem to be the opposite of us, because that denied self is still a part of us and is still, therefore, subject to the law of attraction. But our partners, romantic partners specifically or those that are are the very closest to us tend to be our opposing mirror. They reflect the attribute we suppressed and we reflect the aspect that they suppressed. The person who is hypothetically a fool will mostly likely end up in a relationship with success freak, and both of them will be caused pain by the other because each is a reminder of the rejected aspect of they will reflect to each other the law-self. Guess what? We recognize and see another of people with things we have rejected and denied within ourselves, this is really the essence of projection. When we notice that an attribute someone else that we have made not okay within ourselves long ago. We have the same reaction to that, that we did to that aspect within us the first time. reject it, avoid it, suppress it, get rid of it. On the when we positive aspects in other people that we have suppressed within ourselves, we fall in love. It feels like our opportunity to become more whole we want more of it, we become addicted to it, be glorified and put it on a pedestal and even idolize it. This is in fact what’s happening when you see clouds of screaming girls are just in Bevar[sp?] concert, they’re all projecting the post of aspect they’ve disowned in themselves unto him. Mostly a sense of significance in sexuality. which they of course disowned in order to be good, obedient, humble little girls who obey their parents. The main characteristics of the suppressed or denied self, is the complete invisibility to you and has complete visibility to other people. This is why it must surprise the hell out of you that some people see the traits in you that you don’t see at all. But guess what? This is how it’s supposed to work if you’ve been suppressing an aspect to yourself, you are not supposed to have any awareness of it was the point in the first place. Disassociating from it was your survival technique. So if somebody makes you feel like projection is another personality flow, you can think again, because for all of us that have been socialized, this is going to be the outcome. any extreme aversion to a trait in another person, is a reflection of the level of rejection that you developed towards that trait or the potential of that trait within yourself. The more we love something in someone else, the more we disowned it in ourself long ago now there’s a misunderstanding when it comes to projection. There’s an idea that when projection is happening, when someone is projecting something to somebody else. They’re projecting a trait that, that other person does not have, but projection is always a two street, that means one of two things, either, both people have that very same trait, and the one that’s just recognizing it in the other or, the very act of being a match, to being projected upon, is indicative of something that is being reflected in the other person. In other words to have someone project upon us, we have to be a vibrational match to that experience, meaning that the experience of being projected upon is also reflecting something that is denied within ourselves. On that note, it must be said that projection has become like the single biggest cough out in deflection technique. ever been invented especially in the new age community. It drives me nuts when I hear people saying, you’re just projecting. It’s a super-good way to get out of having to look at yourself clearly or objectively. You’re never going to get to the space of self awareness if that’s what you continue to do. You cannot consciously see someone clearly until you are completely conscious of yourself. If you aren’t, you will continue to see everyone through the filter of your own subconscious mind. Every time we cop out of looking at ourselves by saying you’re just projecting, we miss the opportunity to see ourselves clearly and we miss the opportunity to see our world and each other clearly. Every single one of us projects, every single one of us recognizes what we have denied and suppressed and disowned within ourselves in its external reflection. At this point in our evolutionary history, projection is not going to stop completely and the goal of your life should not be to stop projecting, it should be to become completely self aware. And our extreme negative and extreme positive reactions to others are the perfect opportunity to develop self awareness. Also, the more we reject something in someone else, the more we perpetuate our own wounding, because in rejecting or disapproving of that thing in them, we are re-rejecting and re-disapproving of it in ourselves. So here we are, how to uncover your self-rejection? By using projection to your advantage. Number one: look at the negative traits or aspects about other people that you don’t like, especially look at the traits you don’t like about your partner. What bothers you? Step two: discover the positive intention behind the thing that you hate in other people. In other words, what is the real positive intention for the reason that they are doing that super negative thing, or possessing that negative trait. the answer is of course always going to be in line with trying to keep themselves from getting hurt. Three, why was it dangerous, or is it dangerous for those people to be the opposite of those negative traits? For example, if I’m lazy, why it was a dangerous, we’re not OK to be driven and motivated. Four, recognize that no matter how much you might want to deny it or not admit to it. These aspects that you despise in other people are always a reflection of yourself. These are attributes that you have suppressed. These traits are a mirror of what you’ve rejected in yourself. The more you’re trying to protect yourself form yourself, the more the aspects you hate in others will look nothing like you. You’ll tell yourself I’m not that way at all. Step five, be willing to be vulnerable enough that you were able to open your mind up to the idea. that these traits are yours and recognize how it’s true that they are yours. Now there are two possibilities here, either you are very much like those things in hating others or those things you hate in others are so buried and so rejected in you that you never do that same thing to a degree it’s unhealthy Six: if you are struggling with this process, involve other people in the process, the good way to know if you have been suppressing or denying something you’re projecting is if you have heard the same negative thing about yourself from more than one person, another good idea is to have people that know you well, right down the things that they don’t like about you, those negative aspects that they see and now take special notice of the thing that more than one person says. Seven: just as you did with your partner earlier or with other people earlier, ask yourself why was it dangerous to be the opposite of this negative traits that I obviously posses, for example why is it not okay for me to be lazy. Eight. Begin to find approval of the things that you dislike and other people and in yourself. Now this is not the same thing lying to yourself. You can’t say, “oh they’re narcissistic, I like that because it’s not true, but there might be somethings that come along with being narcissist that would be really nice, they are actual positives. Those are the kind of things that you want to look at so you can release your resistance, not only to other people but more especially to the aspect of yourself that you’re denying, suppressing and trying to dissociate from. For example, a person who is cruel may have no problem caring what other people think of them, though we all wish we could be that free. Nine, adopt the aspects of others that you dislike that are in fact just mirrors of aspects of yourself that you dislike in a way that benefits you this doesn’t mean become lazy or become cruel, what it means is take time off or quit saying yes to everyone what is the positive aspect of someone who is lazy? They are not afraid to rest, so adopting that the sound aspect of yourself could take a form of you taking a rest this will bring you closer to the state of homeless. You can do this entire process that I’ve just outlined with positives as well To do that you simply need to figure out what you admire, envy or fall in love with in other people especially your partner kids and idols. and discover the positive intention behind suppressing those things inside yourself discover why it was dangerous to have those positive trades. for example if I am lazy and I envy people who are driven and motivated why was it dangerous or not OK to be driven and motivated growing up find ways to express those particular traits in your life. So if I’m at a Justine Beiber concert and I love the significance that he has, how do I let my self have more significance? Knowing of couse that the aspect of me that is suppressed to still an aspect of me. There’s a potion in there that is highly significant and then wants that significance to be expressed. Judgement doesn’t have to be such a bad thing, and you can’t stop judgement just by deciding to do it. Has that ever worked for any of you? I’ve never seen it work before. What that means is, instead of worrying ourselves with stopping judging other people, we need to instead develop an open mind, that is open enough to take a look at our judgements completely, to use our judgement of other people both positive and negative to recognize the aspects that we have rejected within ourselves. This causes our judgements to turn into observations. So, what do you judge? Projection is one of the best tools for self awareness. It’s also one of the best excuses to avoid self awareness. We cannot be truly authentic as long as we continue to reject, suppress, deny or disown aspects of ourselves whether they be positive or negative. So if you’re willing to be uncomfortable enough, to see yourself clearly most especially the aspects of yourself that are missing, I can guarantee you that you are well on your way to authenticity and you are well along the way to a state of fullness. Have a good week.