QVC Auditions – SNL

QVC Auditions – SNL


>>>HI, I’M JOYCE CHILDERS AND I
AM MAKING THIS VIDEO IN ORDER TO AUDITION FOR THE GUEST HOST
POSITION AT QVC. AND AS YOU CAN SEE WE ARE IN MY
CLOSET BECAUSE MY FORTE IS — CLOSET — UH — ORGANIZATION.
IN CLOSET. AND I AM REALIZING RIGHT NOW
THAT MY PANTIES ARE ALL BEHIND MY HEAD.
AND NOW I LOOK LIKE A PANTY ADDICT.
THANKS, JOE.>>WHAT?
I THOUGHT IT WAS GOOD.>>JOE, NOW YOU’RE IN MY SHOT,
JUST DO IT AGAIN. PLEASE, LET’S DO IT AGAIN.
>>HI. I’M CHRISTIE BERKIE.
AND THIS IS MY AUDITION REEL FOR GUEST HOST FOR QVC.
RIGHT AWAY, I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT I DO KNOW THAT MY FRIEND
AND NEIGHBOR JOY CHILDERS IS AUDITIONING AS WELL.
SHE IS AN AMAZING PERSON. BUT I DO THINK SHE IS — NO.
I’M NOT GOING TO SAY ANYTHING BAD.
I’LL JUST SAY THAT ALL OF MY FRIENDS THINK THAT — NOPE.
I JUST SAID I WASN’T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING BAD.
SHE IS WHAT SHE IS. YOU CAN ALWAYS JUST GOOGLE HER,
YOU KNOW. WHICH I THINK YOU SHOULD.
AND STUFF WILL COME UP. I LOVE HER!
UM, OKAY. ACCESSORIES.
WE ARE CURRENTLY IN MY NECKLACE ROOM.
AND WHAT I WANT TO SHOW YOU IS —
OH MY GOD! I JUST STEPPED ON THE DOG!
HE CAN’T BE IN HERE, LOUIS!>>WELL, I DON’T KNOW.
>>PEANUT HAS TO BE IN HIS CRATE!
AND NOW THAT’S ONE POINT FOR JOYCE BECAUSE I LOOK LIKE A DICK
THAT KICKS DOGS IN THE BUTT, GREAT.
START OVER, CUT. GREAT, LEWIS.
[ LIGHT LAUGHTER ]>>HI.
IT’S ME, JOYCE. FUTURE QVC HOST.
YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT YOU GUYS TO KNOW THAT QVC IS MY NUMBER
ONE DREAM. AND EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT
KNOWS ME HAS SAID THAT I WAS BORN TO DO THIS.
AND THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ARE OKAY WITH LIKE
HIJACKING DREAMS BECAUSE — OKAY.
I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE. I CAN’T BREATHE.
>>ARE YOU OKAY?>>DON’T COME OVER HERE, YOU
STRESS ME OUT! I’VE GOT TO GO WALK AROUND OUR
CUL-DE-SAC — DO NOT FOLLOW ME, DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING, I AM
FINE! OKAY!
[ LAUGHTER ]>>HEY, GUYS.
IT’S YOUR GAL PAL CHRISTIE BERKIE HERE TO SHOW YOU
HOW TO DRESS UP ANY WORK OUTFIT AND GIVE IT A TOUCH OF SPARKLE
AND GLAM WITH CLIP-ON GLAMOUR BAUBLES.
LOOK HOW THIS GLISTENS IN THE SUNLIGHT.
[ LAUGHTER ] WAS THAT JOYCE?
DID I JUST SEE JOYCE IN OUR WINDOW?
>>THAT WAS JOYCE.>>WHAT IS THAT BITCH UP TO?
[ LAUGHTER ] ANYWAY, WE’LL JUST CUT AROUND
THIS. OKAY.
THESE IMITATION CRYSTAL PIECES WILL ENLIVEN ANYTHING —
[ LAUGHTER ]>>I SEE YOU!
I SEE YOU, GET OVER HERE!>>WHAT?
>>WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?
>>WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STEALING DREAMS?
THAT FRIENDS KNOW IS FOR ME?>>THAT IS NOT GOOD ENGLISH, YOU
WILL NEVER MAKE IT WITH THAT KIND OF ENGLISH ON QVC.
>>ON QVC, ON QVC! THAT’S WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE.
GET YOUR OWN LIFE!>>I HAVE IT!
I HAVE A LIFE! STOP TALKING ABOUT IT BECAUSE I
HAVE IT! [ LAUGHTER ]
>>MAYBE I SHOULD TAKE IT AWAY. YOU SEE WHAT THIS IS IN MY
POCKET?>>I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT IS,
JOYCE. OKAY?
I HAVE NO IDEA.>>WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT
HANDLE’S TO? [ LAUGHTER ]
>>OH, IS THAT YOUR GUN? IS THAT WHAT THAT IS?
LOUIS, SHE BROUGHT HER GUN, SURPRISE SURPRISE, I GUESS SHE’S
GOING TO KILL ANOTHER PERSON ON ACCIDENT!
>>IF I DO IT WOULD YOU STOP STEALING?
>>JOYCE, DON’T BE A FOOL.>>THIS IS ALL GOING TO QVC,
THIS IS ALL GOING TO QVC, JOYCE!>>NO, NO, IT’S NOT!
>>YES, IT IS. THIS IS MY AUDITION TAPE AND IT
CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT.>>HONEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING
HERE?>>YOUR WIFE IS GOING TO SHOOT
US THROUGH OUR WINDOW.>>IT’S NOT A REAL GUN, IT’S FOR
THE PLAY I’M DIRECTING.>>OH MY GOD, JOYCE.
YOU ARE SUCH A JOKE.>>OH REALLY.
YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S A BETTER JOKE?
YOUR HUSBAND IS GAY. AND I KNOW IT BECAUSE HE’S
SLEEPING WITH MY HUSBAND. [ LAUGHTER ]
I HEAR THEM EVERY NIGHT IN OUR BABY’S ROOM LIKE, OH, YEAH.
I WANT IT.>>STOP IT!
>>OKAY, CHRISTE? ARE YOU GOING TO SEND THAT TO
QVC, I’M SURE THEY’D LOVE THAT.>>GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
>>AARRGHH! [ STATIC ]
♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>>WELL GUYS THAT HOUR JUST FLEW BY.
>>I GUESS THAT’S JUST WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GUEST HOST QVC
WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.>>KEEP SHOPPING, YOU GUYS!
♪♪♪ [ LAUGHTER ]
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

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