The Hidden Truth About Dysfunctional Relationships – Teal Swan –

The Hidden Truth About Dysfunctional Relationships – Teal Swan –

Hello there. So much focus in the field of spiritual,
mental, and emotional health, is focused on healing
dysfunctional relationship dynamics. A dysfunctional relationship
is a relationship where people enter into an
emotional contract where they agree to meet each other’s needs in ways that
end up being self destructive. For example, one person feels unable
to take care of themselves and the other feels inadequate,
and so they make an emotional contract that if the other person
takes care of them, they will make them feel
better about themself. Dysfunctional relationship is a
relationship that is destructive instead of constructive.
It’s a relationship that ends up being powerlessly dependent
instead of interdependent. As a result, it is never secure.
It is never secure because it is transactional at its core.
The relationship is only ever as secure as the ability to fulfil on the
subconscious contract involved in this transaction. The most common form of
dysfunctional relationship is the classic relationship between the
codependent and the narcissist. This is a relationship that can
absolutely take place in a home where absolutely no alcohol
was present. This often happens when the home
is organized around a person who is dysfunctional as a result
of perhaps a behavioral issue or some sort of mental illness
or personality disorder. But you will see this dynamic
most commonly in an alcoholic home. I encourage you to do your own research
on the narcissist codependent dynamic and how it creates the dynamic
of a dysfunctional home. There are leagues and leagues of
information available at your fingertips in this information age about
dysfunctional relationship dynamics. We live in an age today of
parental perfectionism. Essentially we’re aware, more or less,
of the fact that it is our relationship with our primary
caregivers that creates the majority of the dysfunction in our adult lives, so I don’t want this to just spiral
into a place where you’re now panicked that you’re going
to screw your own kids up, but for the sake of understanding
what’s to come, it must be said that if you experience
dysfunctional relationships in your adulthood, no matter how healthy
your parents or caregivers claimed that your upbringing was,
the reality is you learned that particular dynamic because you were
in those dysfunctional relationships or observed them when you
were a child. In other words, you don’t know any
other way to be in a relationship. The reason I want to do this video today
is that I’m going to expose an entirely other dimension relative to these
unhealthy dynamics in our relationships. When it comes to dysfunctional
relationship, the primary way that we go about about healing
those relationships is by emphasizing the idea of
creating healthy independence. What we do as caregivers
is to tell people, “You gotta meet your own needs.” This very way of approaching
dysfunctional relationships and healing from dysfunctional relationships
actually compounds trauma. It makes a person twice as likely
to never be able to escape from unhealthy dynamics
within relationship. When a child is born, that child cannot
conceptualize of itself as separate from its parent. It in fact take some development
for a child to even see itself as a separate self, so obviously we can
only be in relationships when we can conceptualize of
there being something other than us
to be in relationship to. Therefore, relationships are
part of development. Part of relationship development
begins at the age of separation and individuation.
Matured differentiation resolves the relational tension between
agency and communion. Another way of saying this is that
healthy individualization involves both autonomy and connection, whereby
one can be separate autonomous self without being isolated, alienated, or
having their needs go unmet.>From a spiritual or more
interdimensional perspective, babies are in fact born
three months premature. This is a collective contract that we
opt into as people before coming in. It’s almost like we want to get
the ball rolling on separation trauma as quick as we can, so we all come into
that particular contract. There is absolutely separation trauma
that occurs at birth, especially if you came out of
the womb too early, or in a way where you were separated, or you
weren’t supposed to be separated. For example we clamp the cord
before the cord is done pulsing. In fact there’s a lot of debate
about whether you should even cut the cord at all,
but that’s another story. Because we are born three months
premature, this phase of separation and individuation really
begins at about three months old. For the rest of our life
we work with the contrasting energies of
togetherness and separateness. There are several developmental stages
where we are particularly focused on individuation.
In my opinion, if I were to generalize it, the most fundamental happens
from 3 months to 3 years old. We are familiar with this phase
because we usually say that a kid has the terrible twos,
meaning that they are defiant because at this age they are
establishing a sense of what they want as separate from
the adults in their life. The second happens when we
enter teen-hood and develop independence from the adults in
our life within the context of our home. The third, when we enter
young adulthood and develop independence in the world
when we leave the home. When we begin this life
we cannot meet our own needs. Our needs are in fact met
by other people. And it’s the sensation we get as a result
of seeing our needs being met by other people that then gets us
curious about meeting our own needs. What you will see is that a child
will naturally progress in the direction of meeting their own needs
–I should say any being progresses naturally in the direction
of meeting their own needs– in accordance with expansion. It is a progression from
powerlessness to empowerment, and this is where
developmental trauma comes in. Developmental trauma is trauma that
affects a person’s ability to progress, develop, or mature, in an area that
you would normally see progression. For example, you can easily understand developmental trauma through the example of a kid who,
say, isn’t exposed to adults because they were abandoned
too early, and because of that they were never
around people speaking. What you will see essentially
is that this particular child will lack the ability to speak
in their adulthood because they were never
exposed to language. You can think of a person as a garden.
Each aspect of our lives are like seeds that then grow into a tree. When we experience trauma
that we cannot find resolution for, it halts our development in the area
that trauma affects. So if that portion of our cells
were a seedling growing, when we experience that trauma
that seedling stops growing and stays a seedling
even if the rest of us matures. For example, say our self concept
were a seedling, if we experienced our parent
repeatedly shaming us, this self concept seedling
would stop growing. Our need to feel good about ourselves
was not met and we couldn’t meet it ourselves,
so that aspect of our life halts in its progression.
We progress into adulthood with an underdeveloped self concept,
and no way to create healthy self-esteem in and of ourselves because we have
no reference for it. Why is all of this
so important to understand? Because when it comes
to dysfunctional relationships, dysfunctional relationships are caused
by trauma that occurs during the separation
and individuation phases of life. Individuation trauma that is experienced
between the ages of three months to three years
creates the bulk of what we are seeing in dysfunctional
relationships in adulthood. Of course it is repeated separation
and individuation trauma that creates the very worst
of elemental damage. Let’s dive deeper.
The very earliest form of separation and individuation occurs
when a young child, potentially even a baby,
can conceptualize of the fact that Mom or the caregiver
is separate from itself, but at that point it has no capacity
to meet its own needs, nor, here’s the key, does it have the
desire to meet those needs. It has the desire for those needs
to be met by others. If there is trauma at this particular
phase, then what we see is dysfunctional relationships
in adulthood – essentially, dynamics where the adult
can’t meet its own needs or feels like it can’t, and then tries to find
somebody else to meet those needs because in fact there is no desire
for the self to meet those needs. It is trauma experienced in this phase
that creates the biggest problems in adult relationship
and causes things like personality disorders, attachment
disorders, and codependency. When we experience a trauma
at this phase and thus experience a developmental delay, like a very small
child we experience ourselves as being unable to meet our needs
even as an adult, but what’s more than that
we do not even feel the desire to meet our own needs,
we feel the desire still for someone else
to meet those needs. This is why we enter into a
dysfunctional relationship in the first place, with someone
who has likewise trauma. in fact, we find the whole idea
of meeting our own needs traumatising, because it is a mirror
of the original trauma that we had. We couldn’t progress forward because
no one met those needs for us. That is the unmet need. That’s why
that asset for ourselves never developed to the point where
we could meet our needs. Essentially it is traumatizing because
it’s a mirror of the wound we received growing up when we were expected
to separate before we were ready, or experienced the consequence
as a result of trying to individuate with an adult that found
our individuality threatening. Here is an example of how this can go: Mary is two, and she is just now
learning how to say the word ‘no’. To her, the word ‘no’ is a way
of asserting boundaries, meaning that she is beginning to sense
that she has a will separate from her mother’s will.
This is healthy and normal. But Mary’s mother finds this
threatening and invalidating, So every time Mary says ‘no’,
she is shamed for it and put in a time-out. This is a trauma involving
her sense of autonomy. Because her exploring individuation
from her mother is met with the punishment of isolation,
she stops becoming autonomous. Her desire for autonomy in fact
becomes suppressed. She learns that she cannot have
her autonomy and have connection with other people at the same time. For more information about this dynamic
watch my video on YouTube titled I Can Have Me and I Can Have You Too. To continue, as a result of suppressing
her need for autonomy she only experiences the need for closeness.
She becomes very clingy. As Mary grows up she experiences
separation anxiety and hates to be alone,
and fails to experience herself as someone who
can take care of herself. She then gets into relationships based on
the needs transaction – the transaction of ‘if you take care of me
and never leave me alone I will make you feel needed
and appreciated all the time.’ There are so many traumatic situations
that can then become these developmental delays
that progress into our adulthood, but what’s the most important thing
to take forward with you from today is the fact that dysfunctional
relationship is in fact the byproduct of developmental delays, developmental
trauma, that occurs as a result of your experiences with individuation/connection
with other people. It is trauma involving needs. We do not
know how to meet our needs involving autonomy or involving connection
because no one ever taught us how. When people with developmental trauma
and therefore developmental delays go into self-help, or go into spirituality,
or go into therapy, so often what they are told is, “You have
to figure out how to become independent, how to meet your own needs, and
definitely it’s not okay to get those needs met by other people
because let’s face it, that makes you completely dependent.
Unhealthily dependent, in fact. But this does damage.
Remember that aspect of that person who is essentially a seedling,
a seedling that is stuck at the phase where it does not experience being able
to meet its own needs or even wanting to? If you were coming towards that person
with an attitude of, “Guess what! It’s time to meet your own needs
before you’re ready!”, you are in fact skipping a phase
in development which you cannot do. And remember that the real trauma is that
even though that little seedling self wanted someone else to meet those needs,
that person wasn’t meeting those needs. This is why there is no progression
or no development of that particular aspect of self.
There was no one there to even give them a reference
for what it looked like for those needs to be consistently met.
This means the aspect of them that is stuck as a seedling is not
developed enough to desire autonomy much less have it forced on them by
someone’s independence building technique. If we ask them to skip a step
in their development that cannot be skipped,
in order to reach maturity, it is like asking them to build a house
on a wet foundation. So what must we do to heal
from a dysfunctional relationship pattern in our own lives?
What we have to do is to go back mentally and emotionally in time
to find that child self who is halted in it’s delay
because those needs are not being met, and we need to meet those needs. We need to create resolution
to that particular trauma. I’ve developed a process for this, called
the completion process. To understand more about this process
you can buy a copy of the book I wrote about it which is available for purchase
as of Fall 2016. You can watch my video on YouTube titled
How to Heal the Emotional Body, and alternatively you can sign up
to my newsletter and contact a completion process facilitator
who can walk you through the process. The second thing you must do
is to follow a basic formula. 1 – We have to realize and recognize
the pattern of dysfunction in our relationship. 2 – We have to become completely aware
of what needs we are trying to have met through this dysfunctional pattern. 3 – Instead of meeting that need
in the way you normally would, the way that causes destruction,
find a way to meet that need in a different way that is constructive.
To do this, we must meet ourselves wherever we are in terms of our
delay of development, not try to skip a step, and to meet
the need we have directly so that development can begin
to progress again. The main reason that any form of therapy
is remotely successful is the fact that often when a person enters
into therapy, their relationship with the therapist is in fact their first
experience with a secure relationship, and it is the security of that connection
which in fact heals so much of the individuation trauma
and the connection trauma which we went through as we were young.
So essentially what’s happening in the therapeutic relationship, provided
that it’s actually a good one, is that we are beginning to get that need met
and thus we are beginning to mature into a space where we can be there
for ourselves, where we can be there for other people, where we can develop
these kinds of relationships outside the therapy setting. We must begin to meet our unmet needs.
I really want you to understand more about this, so what I want you to do
is to watch my Youtube video titled, Meet Your Needs. The reason that we cannot get outside
of our dysfunctional relationships is the fact that we fear that if we end
that dysfunctional relationship pattern, we won’t get our needs met,
and we will lose connection with the person who we want
to meet those needs. How are you supposed to know
how to meet your needs? Have someone teach you
by first meeting them for you. Ask directly for those needs to be met
by people in your life instead of going around the back door
to try to get them. For example, ask for appreciation directly
Instead of becoming a nurse so that people will appreciate you. There are some very interesting
new therapy techniques that are being developed currently
which assist people to meet their unmet needs and also address their
unhealed development trauma. They go so far as to simulate experiences
where people can be in the womb who were born prematurely, or for example
for someone who was weaned too early, and whose need wasn’t met in that capacity
can actually go get breastfed. And when you have needs that are not
needs that can be met by you autonomously because they involve other people,
look for healthy ways to get those needs met too.
Now I know that when I just said that some of you were we just like, “W-wait!
That just totally undid all my programming that says that everything you need
is inside yourself, and that there is no need that you can’t
meet on your own autonomously.” But here’s the reality.
We need each other. There are a whole plethora of
emotional needs that involve other people that you can’t actually achieve
independently, so expecting yourself to be completely independent
and deny those needs isn’t going to take you very far. So instead, you’ve got to actually become
present to those needs you have that involve connection with other people,
and actually go seek getting those needs met. A funny thing happens
when you consciously meet a need that is perceived as an immature need –
that need matures. The aspect of self that is
developmentally delayed begins to develop because this is an alignment with
expansion which you don’t need to work on, it’s integral to people. This means
a person will eventually gravitate towards progressively healthier
and more autonomous ways of meeting the needs that they can meet,
and finding healthier ways of meeting the needs
that they cannot meet alone. I am becoming more and more
convinced that therapy modalities that involve somatosensory healing
is in fact the way to address developmental trauma.
The reason is that we go through developmental trauma, the bulk of it
and the ones that really cause damage to our adult life, most primarily before
we actually had the capacity to think. I mean our brain was not a thinking
brain yet, it was mostly a feeling brain, so all of the memory stored from that
particular point in life is stored schematically.
So for this reason if you feel like you’re really struggling with the
developmental delay, I would love for you to go explore any kind of somatic
therapy that appeals to you. How are you supposed to know
what a functional relationship looks like and how to create one if you’ve never seen
or experienced one? That’s right. You shouldn’t expect that
of yourself, so stop. So what do you do if you want
to learn Spanish? You seek ways to learn Spanish, and people
who can teach you about Spanish. It’s no different
with functional relationships. You simply set out on a path to learn
about how to create them. Developing a healthy sense of self,
your wants and needs, your likes and dislikes, your values and priorities,
along with developing the capacity to connect with other people will
inevitably lead to healthy relationships that are not dysfunctional.
I encourage you to watch my videos on YouTube titled
How to Develop Healthy Boundaries, and
How to Connect with Someone. The time has come for us to recognize
and begin to heal developmental trauma in ways
that actually work. We need to see that it is the root
of so many of the adult disorders we are seeing in the world, and we need
to see that it is the root of dysfunctional relationships.
We need to meet the needs that people have that correspond directly
to the age of developmental trauma that a person experienced, rather than
seeing an adult before us and expecting that their mental
and emotional self has matured alongside that body enough so
that we are now perfectly okay to require adult functioning relative
to emotional and mental needs of that person who’s in front of us. So that there is some food for thought. Have a good week. Subtitles by the community

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  1. i been studying spirituality for 9 years, and it all has helped me grow, but coming from a very dysfunctional family and so much rejection and loss, something always felt missing for me to heal fully, she is spot on with her shadow work, were most people who work towards enlightenment teaches us to always be positive but how can this be if there is so much shadow work that is subconsciously unhealed, people have negative things to say about Teal, but i dont think every teacher is for you, their is so many ways to becoming enlightened and not every spiritual teacher is going to match your needs, thats why it is important to get in touch with your inner self so you can understand if the teacher resonates with your spiritual journey..

  2. Whew, that was a totally unique and sensible perspective, Teal. Lots of information to process there. Thank you and Great Job!

  3. Great Video. Am smuggling with dealing with trauma from my childhood but it is increasing difficult to see a light.
    Teal, I am wondering if you could do a video on what continuous extreme stress and continual trauma can do to your physical body? Please 🙂

  4. I recognize Sutro bathhouse in your background. totally appreciate your message. found you through infinite waters. thank you for being authentic

  5. Great Video. I love watching you Teal. I always learn so much. I plan on doing the online video next week with you. Looking forward to hearing from you.

  6. I know of a situation where a wife, grandmother who refuses to kick out a 20 yr old grandson who is bipolar. Her husband is suffering terribly. She has never worked. He is retired and has limited income. wife has and still spends lots of money on this spoiled forever child. The grandson can't hold a job more than a few days. He has a lifetime of anger and violent behavior. He controls the grandmother, who then controls the trapped grandfather. There are endless arguments. Both grandparents are stressed. But, grandma refuses to kick the freeloader out. she is his enabler. Their whole lives are wrapped around this intruder. The father of the 20 old is living with another son who is also has extreme mental illness. That grandson needs to be put in an institution before he kill's someone..
    Is there a video that the grandfather can watch to help him decide he needs to put a stop to this insanity before the grandfather kills himself. he just told me he has started taking Prozac in order to cope. But, that is not a solution. they need to get that grandson out of the house.. But, the grandparents are stuck.. they don't want to have the grandson homeless.. so the grandson is in control of the whole house. there is no peace. the grandma dotes and waits on the grandson like he is a king.. the grandson has a son himself who is going to be born soon. a son he will never support. because of his mental illness. And there might in the future more children he will have.. which grandma is spending more money on.
    the grandfather is so stressed.. and trapped. he feels he can't leave because he will lose his house. he feels he will end up supporting this grandson leach the rest of his life..
    I'm concerned about him. I have offered him to come and visit or stay with his brother and me. So he can just escape. but he is afraid to leave because he might get thrown out of his house.
    he is so beaten down emotionally.. he is a good guy.. too good to have to suffer like this .. I consider him like my own brother.. but I can't help him.

  7. One thing that goes on in this world which in my opinion is the root of a great many problems is forcing a child to grow up this is done in all matters of ways through manipulation and conditioning from the programs they watch and what have you , This is for the simple reason that this world is govern by age control, in short, you are expected to grow up and become a servant of society rather you like it or not, In my opinion no one should have the the right to force a child to grow up, that should happen naturally and it should always be their choice…

  8. You make complete sense to me and help me through a whole lot of issues that I will watch your other videos over and over thank you
    for sharing your knowledge it's so helpful to me

  9. Simply "Thank You." You have helped me in so many ways that it has become Infinite. What is coming thru You is "God-Sent." Thank You for following Your path because had you not, so many people would not have received this "Beautiful Gift."

  10. brilliant!!!gotta love teal! thank you teal! i am searching for a somatic therapist right fucking now!❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

  11. I can see this in a child who is so dependent on her friend she lives in constant agony. She uses these children´s forms of "blackmailing" like "if you don't do what I say you are not my friend anymore" day after day. But I wonder, what can parents do? Does the child need to wait become a grown up to find resolution to traumas originating these dysfunctional relationships?

  12. I am so grateful to have run across your work again, at the perfect time for me. Thank you!

  13. I am so very glad I'm on my last incarnation. Gonna make this one last but in the end It's gonna be very much "peace out". lol

  14. im borderline… thank you so much
    my fucking God..
    im grateful i found you.
    thanks teal. i could never understand before

  15. TEAL you are such an inspiration… thus and a blessing to me in sooo many ways. Keep changing the world!! I want to be right there with you once I get to that point of awakening to myself. I'm grateful! 💚

  16. What happens though when I am the supposed "narcissistic asshole" that can't meet the "attachment" needs of my partner? This whole video describes the attachment needs that need to be met by my partner and she expects me to meet those needs of hers, and I feel un-sympathetic, like I am being emotionally manipulated by her. Like she is just crying to get attention. So I dont meet those needs. So what does that make me? Does that mean I have unmet needs? Why don't I feel sympathy towards her? I don't feel that coddling her is in my alignment, and I dont want to force myself to do something that I want to do. So am I a bad person for not giving my affection when she is upset? I'm so confused. My end of the spectrum is a little different. I don't know what I was lacking in childhood that lead me to this point.

  17. We have all this dysfunction having children since the introduction TV, movies and electronics to add to the parenting skills which are more and more lacking because of the separation this provides.
    Giving us more dysfunctional people.

  18. When I was a kid my now deceased mother told me that I had to sacrifice myself for the family. And by sacrifice myself I had to allow family members to steal my identity. After I graduated from college my parents told me that if the government ever found out that I'm not profoundly retarded, my parents would go to prison for grand freud.

  19. I'm not allowed to go to therapy because my so called mother would tell therapists that I was brainwashed into a satanic cult and in a gang on drugs. One therapist panicked and told the police that I owned a gun. In truth I have never owned a gun and that therapist got sued. When I asked my now dead mother what her definition of Satanic cult was, she said that it was a group of kids who were friends. When I asked my now dead mother what a gang on drugs is, she said it was a bowling alley. Damn this bitch was delusional.

  20. wow, can only imagine what that so called circumscision did, holy cow man…. no wonder my root chakra is all screwed up

  21. We were all made for community, no one was born alone, we're naturally herd creatures, how is community unnecessary? Someone once said 'depression is the disease of civilisation' – well guess what the 'civilised' parts of the world believe? Independence and autonomy are the primary requirement for advanced self development. The opposite is true, without each other we have no mirror to help us understand ourselves properly, alone time is only half the puzzle, group time is NECESSARY. Psychological counselling helped me learn, but group therapy taught me how to use what i learned and helped me no longer shame myself for weakness or crying. Another saying is 'it takes a village to raise a child' and the reason makes sense, parents make mistakes and have shortcomings. Ugh ppl obsessed with independence are like sandpaper to me.

  22. The breast feeding thing messed me up! like whoa! lol I'm pretty opened minded but this seemed like a gateway to perversion if you do this as an adult who now views breast as sexual because you are no longer as innocent as you where when you were a child….j/s I'm totally open to your thoughts on this though…

  23. A fool can speak the same words as a wise one. It is the energy behind it that makes the difference. Question is can you feel the difference?

  24. Teal your gifted by telling thruths that we are aware of and Not aware up , by telling the thruth you are healing..healing "us" even yourself. We defiantly can Learn from you that we needed to learn about ourselves. God bless you teal you are beautifully smart&wise in very authentic levels.

  25. I really enjoyed this video, and I love the way you illustrate 'needs'.

    For quite a while now, I've not been a fan of calling 'needs' 'needs', and instead calling them 'values' or 'virtues' which can be the same thing really! If I stand up for my values, only to love and celebrate them and prop them up in response to not seeing them, then I am putting them back into reality and I feel happy. I hope that makes sense. Like, if I value affection, then I shall parade around on how much I love affection and I find that I end up attracting people who are also affectionate and it's a win-win!

    Yet if I consider something a 'need', like to the same degree as an inhaler for an asthmatic person is, then I feel anxious, dependent, and angry because I feel powerless. I am now 'needy' and therefore am expectant of these needs to be met and I lash out when they aren't. Because let's say my "need" for affection is just like a need for an inhaler. If someone is having an asthmatic attack and someone else is withholding the inhaler, then one could imagine that many of us would vilify the person withholding the inhaler, right? Because, that's pretty effed up! The person is nearly dying and NEEDS an inhaler and a person is withholding it? What an awful human being! So then, if I take that idea of 'need' for affection and apply it to people who aren't as affectionate to me, I start to lash out at them and get really upset and feel powerless and ultimately express myself poorly. I know this manipulative and controlling, so I haven't enjoyed calling needs 'needs' for quite a while. I hope that makes sense.
    If, instead, I consider it a 'value' or 'virtue' which I can stand up for and take ownership over, instead of a 'need' that I am powerless and needy to, I feel much better! That way, I feel like I can start to attract people who resemble my values, instead of lashing out at people who don't.

    I understand it's just a case of semantics, and that whatever I wish to call them, they're really all the same. Boundaries/needs/values/virtues/etc!

    Once again, I love this video and your work and I hope you are having a good life, Teal Swan!

  26. Why do we need to perceive separation in individuation as trauma? Perhaps it is not trauma but rather an uncomfortable severing from an unaccommodating environment. Hence, one person's trauma may be indeed another person's dynamic shift towards individuation, and pure emancipation. No growth is without a necessary schism

  27. Love the understanding. The cure is lacking. Pretending to go back in time and fixing the underdevelopment is wishful thinking. If this works on someone they didn’t have much of a problem to begin with

  28. So being in the womb for 9 months equates to being born 3 months premature?! C'mon!.. Think before you state things like this..

  29. So refreshing to hear a guru talking like this. It seems most people believe the solution is for the whole world to become egocentric.

  30. When you look for someone who will meet your needs, you will find someone who also looks for someone to meet their needs.

  31. it is to say that our whole modern society functions according to this "enmeshed" paradigm: most companies, offices, workplaces etc. reproduce this dynamic.

  32. But what's the difference on creating a relashionship of codependency to meet or need and using other people to meet our need because sometimes we need other people to meet our needs?

  33. I always wonder why my dad can’t meet his own needs and also need others’ support and love (or reassurance) to be happy. Now I know.

  34. I love you bless your heart for sharing this medicine with me. I found myself feeling angry hearing my dad tell !y brothers that they need to grow up and be successful by making lots of money. I realized I felt like I wasn't worthy of receiving love unless I was getting things done and being accomplished.
    So I went up to my dad and started crying, I told him that I ate 20 sweet potato pancakes but I actually needed to feel sweetness and warmth from them. My mom came up and hugged me. My dad kept defending himself so I said "dad im not attacking you, I'm not blaming you, I'm asking for your love. do you know how to be sweet?" He admitted that he didn't know how. And my heart softened. I asked him if he can just let me know that he loves me exactly as I am" and he told me that he does. I felt a huge release from my energy field. In spirituality, I have learned to try and be the source of my own support and love. But we are interconnected beings that need each other. It's healing to ask for our needs, especially when we didn't receive that when we were growing up.

  35. I feel immensely loved by watching your videos. I feel like the fact that someone is taking the time by making videos to help others even if its a paid job but the fact that you chose to devote yourself to this and not a corporate mundane job. It feels extremely loving. I can pretend that you are my close friend and you made these videos specifically for me because you love me and I feel immensely grateful. If  you change the perspective of "oh some youtuber making videos online as a job" and feel a sort of entitlement, you begin to see that love is out there. You don't have to be my close friend for me to feel loved by you and the universe. I hope I made sense.

  36. Wow! This was amazing! I understand so much more about my developmental trauma. Holy shit I can't believe I've gotten to 48 yrs old like this. Thank you. BTW, do you speak slow with slight pauses so people can absorb greater what you're saying? Because I realized I couldn't understand at all what you were saying until I sped the video up a notch. Then the whole thing was so easy to absorb. I think I'm gonna try this with other info type vids. lol. Fast download. Anyway, great stuff! I think you just greatly assisted me on my journey. 
    Thank you Beautiful

  37. Encephelatic reaction from first vaccine at 6 months caused high pitched screaming for days.. so loud I was relegated to the basement, after all, children were thought not to feel anything in the 1960"s. True I feel incapable of even the facade of independence.. never thought of the connection before… interesting.

  38. Teal Swan says she uses the TRUTH, although her truth is an opinion without evidence. Her opinion would only be considered as truth to people who would be receptive such as spiritual or religious minded people, her truth to an atheist or phycologist would not even be close to the truth nor would it be validated opinion as it has no logical evidence. Teal swan lures people in with religious and spiritual undertones and then uses phycology to explain how one might feel about bad feelings they had already associated with religion and then uses their feelings to further reinforce their distaste for religion without evidence or providing her due diligence of proper evidence of her claim (not truth) with using tools like history, timelines, or civilization research. Teal swan does not actually use any diagram or physical fact-finding evidence to show her viewers to bring them to a solid and unrefutably point of any "TRUTH" it actually is a very debase opinion (her opinion) that is not even shared by others. The truth is we have more evidence that is tangible that her truth is far from the truth.

  39. Well i realize that my relationship with my "therapist"-facilitator wasn't a secure one. She was changing the rules of the relationship without telling anything and many times i found myself accountanble for things she had changed in her mind without any notice. Now i don't trust anyone.

  40. Surely teaching our children from a young age they aren't fundamentally separate from other beings or the world as we see it the truth of their reality? What would it be like if we taught them to accept all aspects of themselves as a part of themselves even the aspect of us that rejects the idea of accepting all aspects of our-selves?

  41. I have to say, that after spending just two weeks listening to Teal's messages and working on my shadow self and fragmented pieces of my soul, I am doing well and feeling so much better. What helped me the most was to realize that the shadow part of me, as well as the devil, was not really an evil entity. Because I believed otherwise, I rejected a part of myself and labeled myself as evil. Teal Swan has shown me that the traditional views of evil versus good have been false, religious propaganda. To all who view her videos, please do not accept the negative comments made about her by so-called spiritual leaders. They are wrong. They put her down because her messages bring up their own fears and devils. Thank you so much, Teal Swan. You are an amazing young woman with a special gift to offer to the world. Blessings of healing to you dear, precious one. Many of us love you and appreciate you.

  42. Made me cry, so there must be something there. I am eternally grateful for you Teal. Also thanks for the HOUND making a cameo lool.

  43. Change the options we have to respond to in our childhood
    Dont need adults being breast feed, we can recreate a few or even many different childhoods and have our needs meet in potentially a variety of ways in our constructions of the past

  44. This is all true but I don’t think this can be fixed with ANY steps. I can’t fix this. I can just learn to live with it.

  45. some people think by expecting their needs to being constantly met by others, they are "so good" at "meeting there needs directly" as suggested by Teal …. they actually get triggered when suggested to meet some of there needs by themselves. When Teal said in her "meet your needs"-video, that needs can or even should (also) be met by other people, a person i know who leeches of from others, had the perfect justification for getting pride in the behaviour to always parasitically leech off from others, the person thought he was meeting his needs so perfectly directly by just expecting it from others…. no so healthy i guess. would be great if teal could talk about that some time in the future, because i think there are really missunderstandings there to be cleared. dysfunctional people really think they are meeting there needs directly and better than others because they leech off of and just expect being served.

  46. I can only imagine the pain Teal goes through when she makes videos… she goes through several layers of undeveloped consciousness to come out with this crystal clear video… this is hard stuff made look easy by Teal.

  47. Wonderful!! Every human alive has developmental trauma of some sort. Most humans will never attempted understand or truly fix it. Therefore no relationship will be stable or what we want AND need. Almost like the universe is trying to make humans separate and stop reproducing all together..maybe it is right

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