BEARLY ALIVE “Sex symbol”? Really? If I’m not a sex symbol, then how do you
explain me being named “Sexiest Man Alive” by “Bear World Magazine”? Because you wrote them a check
for $5,000. Yeah, the editor told me.
He’s an old fuck buddy of mine. And what’s with this “hero” crap, Reggie? The only thing heroic about you
is how loudly you shriek for help. We, on the other hand, have saved your ass
from being killed on numerous occasions: the mountain, the yacht, the airplane, — Yeah yeah yeah, I get it, okay? I get it. I think you guys are just jealous
because I have parlayed our adventures into a lucrative career. Fans love me. I get recognized everywhere I go. Excuse me. Exhibit A. – Yes?
– How much is this “Golden Girls” cup? I don’t work here! This area is still off limits
to the public. Go away! Shoo! Does Exhibit A mean
he doesn’t recognize you? Eeee. Eee. ♪Where the bears are
We wanna be♪ SEASON 7: EPISODE 3
BOOK SIGNING BEARS Boy, you’re really famous. – He’s recognized everywhere he goes.
– Okay, you know what? Let’s just get this thing going.
You two, I need some space, so shoo. – Fine, whatever.
– Wood, you stay. I want you to be my security. Security? What do you mean? Just don’t let the crazy fans
get too close to me, that’s all. So just keep them all away? No no, just the weird, stalkery ones. You know what? I’ll give you a safe word. “Flashlight”. When I say “flashlight”,
you come in, you drag them away. – Got it.
– Good. Honey, what was that? It’s just an Ativan. Ativan? Why are you popping Ativan? Because they help me relax. Nelson, could you lighten the fuck up
just a little bit? No, I’m not gonna lighten
the fuck up, okay? I’m really worried about you, the drinking and the pills and the night terrors. Look, I’ve just…
I’ve just been stressed out lately. Work’s been really intense,
to say the least. But I’m fine, I’m fine. Could we not talk about this right now? Okay. Okay. I love you on “Murder Time”. Have you and Cyril Bowers
ever had anal intercourse? Flashlight. – (slaps)
– (Wood chuckles) – Flashlight.
– That’s what I’m talking about. Know what? There you go.
Bye-bye, thank you. – Hi.
– Flashlight. Make it out to Keith Hawking. – Whom I love and adore.
– Flashlight. And who I wanna rim on a daily basis. Flashlight. Thank you. – Okay, bye-bye.
– Bye. Mm-hmm, you want some of that?
Want some of that? Want some of that? Okay, come on, come on, I haven’t got all day. Reggie Hatch, I love you. Oh, that is so sweet. Hey hey hey, nice try, old man! Keep your hands away
from the author! For God’s sake, let him go!
He’s not crazy. Let him go. -Okay, sorry about that.
-Don’t you want a book? Next, who’s next? REGGIE YOU HAIRY FUCK
I’M GOING TO KILL YOU! Guys! Guys, get over here.
Someone left a note in one of my books. “You hairy fuck, I’m going to kill you.” Don’t you think it’s kind of strange
that both of you got threatening notes
in the same handwriting? Hey, what are you doing?
Why are you drinking again? God, Nelson, quit babysitting me. I’m trying to relax. You know that word, right? Relax. Terrific, why don’t you pop
another Ativan. Or better yet, why don’t you take
some propofol, Michael Jackson? – You can sleep through our vacation.
– Leave me alone. Nelson, I really don’t think
these notes are a big deal. I’m a bestselling author
and an insanely popular TV personality. If I had a dollar for every stalker
I’ve had, I’d be richer than I already am. What about me? I got one too. Oh, of course you do, Wood.
You have your fans, those weirdos and freaks
who download your “films”. See? I have a stalker. Nelson, I think you’re just jealous
because you don’t have any crazy fans. You don’t have any fans. The fact you have your own TV show
is one of life’s biggest mysteries. I will have you know that I was accosted by a crazed fan
at the grocery store last summer. Honey, no, that was when
you shaved your facial hair. He thought you were Kathy Bates. Okay, but once he found out it was me
he still wouldn’t leave me alone. Knock knock.
I’m here to set up for the party. Nice ass. Don’t mind me. – What party?
– Oh, didn’t I tell you? Tristan is throwing a cocktail party here
tonight for all of the contestants. Awesome! Any minute now our house is gonna be
filled with hot, hairy, sexy, gay men from all 50 states. I have dibs on Vermont. If I blow him,
I’ll have blown all of New England. Perfect. I’m gonna go change clothes. What do you care what you look like?
You have a boyfriend. Do you see a ring on this finger?
I don’t think so. I’m texting Rami. Well, I guess we’re having
a party tonight. Got some time to kill. Any ideas? Fuck! Fuck! Did you just hate-fuck me? No. Why? Is that what it felt like? – Oh, fuck!
– A little. Oh, yeah. – Let’s go again.
– No, let’s not, okay? You are acting really weird, Todd. Okay, you’re even more sexual than usual. You’re like hyper-sexual. Yeah. It’s really manic. Can we please just have fun on this trip? – What is that?
– It’s a note, to me. “You hairy fuck, I’m going to kill you.” Hey, wait a minute. I’ve got one too. “Nelson” “You FAT hairy fuck,
I’m going to kill you.” Jesus. ♪Where the bears are
We wanna be♪ ♪Where the bears are
Where the bears are♪